I never thought I could despise being in my bed so much. So much confusion. Just so incredibly confused, sad, and lost. At times, this desperation just swallows my being and all I do is stand at the other side of the bed, looking as if he'll appear. It's a week tomorrow. I'm handling it all very well, but my moments that are bad...I don't even know how to explain. I cry, I whisper I miss you and weep and when you see people have flashbacks in movies, I think it's the first time in my whole life, my flashbacks are as vivid as that. I can make myself smell the air, I can still feel everything. I wonder what the outcome will be. I wonder how long this will take to clear up. I wonder how he feels.